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On taking things for what they are.

Roger Ebert, a famous American movie critic, recently passed away. I was sitting on my couch in Antigua when I read the news, and his final blog post, and I started to cry. When Mildred, one of the girls who worked at my student house, asked me “¿Qué pasa?” I had to explain, in broken Spanglish, who he was and that he had died.

I don’t usually get emotional when celebrities pass. But Roger Ebert was a truly talented person: someone who earned whatever fame he had. He was also the subject one of my very few celebrity encounters: in college I once stood behind him at Espresso Royale in the union and ordered coffee right after him. I always admired him for his ability to take a movie as it was. He never chided horror movies or comedies just for being horror movies or comedies. He didn’t look down on them for not being great works of art. Every movie was judged against itself.

The more I travel, the harder it has become for me to take a place for what it is. I didn’t like Caye Caulker because it wasn’t Boracay. I wished for Antigua to be my Central-American Chiang Mai.

I’m sure if I went to Belize and Guatemala at the beginning of my trip, before I had fallen so much in love with Asia, I would have loved them. But now, I’m often comparing and wishing I was someplace else.

When I got off the bus in Rio Dulce, back in Guatemala (I had to return to Antigua to retrieve a new bank card after mine had been cancelled and decided to make a couple of stops along the way), I questioned whether I had made the right choice. The city was small, ugly, from what I could see. “What the hell am I doing in this place?” I thought to myself.

But a man outside of my bus called up the hostel I wanted to stay at and ushered me to a dock. And someone picked me up on a lancha and we rode through the water, through the trees, through little nooks, and he parked the boat in front of the hostel.

Everything was so lush, so green. The sunset every night lit up the trees into a glowing harlequin. I could sit on the railing outside of my dorm room or on the deck and just stare out at the water paths, watching little fish or bugs ripple the surface, forever.

It was beautiful and calm and different than anywhere I’d ever been.

And, hello, sorry to all of my precious hostel cats out there, but this hostel had a honey bear. A. Honey. Bear.

I only spent two nights there, visiting a waterfall on my second day that was so hot to swim under that I felt my skin burning, and I left via a 3 hour boat ride down the Rio Dulce, knowing that yes, there is still room for surprise in my life. There is still room for something new.

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Casa Perico in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Hot waterfall in Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Rio Dulce, Guatemala

Rio Dulce, Guatemala



#28 Learn to fish.

I hadn’t exactly planned on going fishing in Caye Caulker. But, when a vivacious Dutch girl I’d just befriended drunkenly stammered across the table, “I’m going to catch a fish tomorrow! Valerie, do you want to catch a fish?” really the only thing to do was drunkenly yell back “Yes! I want to catch a fish tomorrow!”

One of the guys I’d met earlier in the day on our snorkeling trip was trying to organize the excursion. The problem was that now eight people were interested in going and most of the outings capped off at four. He wasn’t having any luck coming up with a solution. As it happens, as we were debating, a fishing boat pulled up to the split and we were able to, somehow, pull off a drunken deal with the two guys running it. And so, the next day, all eight of us gathered early in the morning to join them in a hunt for big game.

I was actually pretty excited for the thought of it. After all, “learn to fish” was one of the first round items on my life list and something I’ve always wanted to do. Fish is quite possibly my favorite meat group and I always imagine myself fending for myself off of a little tranquil rowboat while camping somewhere: catching, deboning, grilling, the whole shebang. Though spending my day with monitors and oceans and giant fancy reels was far from my idilic vision, you really can’t complain about Caribbean waters and amazing new friends.

First in the day we went off and caught some live bait, throwing a net into the water to catch some unsuspecting creatures. Every so often one would drop to the floor of the boat, wobbling about. I grabbed one of them, flopping between my grip, to bring to the holding tank and joked that I managed to catch a fish with my bare hands.

And then ventured out into the water to hunt for big fishes. Barracuda, mostly. The two guys who owned the boat did most of the prep work: adding the bait, preparing the lines, and we cruised through the water until something caught on. Once it did, they’d grab one of us and everything would spring into action.

And by one of us, I mean one of the boys. Because, really, there were eight of us. And only three fish caught on all day. And of those only two made it into the boat. But we were “hunting big game,” as they said, and so it was harder to catch more than a few.

And then there was conch diving. Which I certainly couldn’t do. Because it involved snorkeling while holding onto a rop as the boat slowly moved and watching the ground for conch shells. Then, whenever the person snorkeling would see one they’d dive down and grab it. And lord knows I can’t dive. The two boys doing it managed to get a nice little haul though.

And thus, on my first fishing trip ever, I didn’t actually, technically, get to fish. But it was pretty damned fun nonetheless…

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

And the important thing here is not that I didn’t get to catch a fish, the important thing here is that I did get to reap the benefits of the day when we fried up the conch and grilled up the barracuda later in the night. And god was it tasty.

Fish BBQ in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fish BBQ in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fish BBQ in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fish BBQ in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fried Conch in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fish BBQ in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fish BBQ in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fish BBQ in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fish BBQ in Caye Caulker, Belize

The next day, I managed to meet up with one of the guys from the boat and I was able to catch a fish off the dock. It was a huge, monstrous, manatee-sized bone fish…

Fishing in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing in Caye Caulker, Belize

Fishing in Caye Caulker, Belize

OK, so maybe he set everything up and all I did was reel it in. And maybe I didn’t technically actually learn how to fish. But I caught a fish. Mostly. And I learned that is way easier and takes way less patience to just walk to the grocery store and order up a filet. And that’s learning something, right? Right?

So yes, if the opportunity ever presents itself again, I would love to learn to actually fish in that idilic little serene lake in my head. But, for now, this was good enough for me.

 

Learn to Fish was number 28 on my life list.



f-ing manatees. f-ing turtles.

I wish I could say I was fearless. But that is far from the truth. You’ve probably noticed that I’m afraid of a lot of things. Pretty much everything, actually. But, truthfully, most of these fears congregate over two main themes: a fear of heights and a fear of being under water.

I try my damnedest to push myself past them. Sometimes it ends up working out for the best. Sometimes the worst. And sometimes I just can’t push myself over that hump.

But hey, I try. I just can’t help it that while in a body of water I imagine nothing more than drowning or being eaten by a shark. And I just can’t help it that at the top of just about anything I imagine a foot slipping and me plummeting to my death.

It’s how my mind works. I’ve learned to live with it.

Ever since a new friend taught me how to swim in Boracay I’ve been much more confident getting in the water. When I can no longer touch the ground I don’t panic, I just tread water and float and know that I am OK.

In Caye Caulker I took a full day snorkeling trip on day with friends. I really wasn’t sure how I’d fare with it. I mean, I’ve snorkeled before. But only for short periods of time. And only with land close by.

But it ended up being pretty amazing. I stayed out of the boat for much longer periods of time than I ever thought I would. And I saw manatees and turtles and so many fish under the water.

But I didn’t make it more than two minutes in with the sharks. Because, hello, sharks. I may have kind of hyperventilated into my snorkel.

I mean, I can handle tackling ONE fear, but TWO? At once? No. Just no.

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize

Full day snorkeling trip in Caye Caulker, Belize



Oh, baby, baby, it’s a wild world

Sometimes the world seems so small.

Like when you’re standing on a dock at night, wind whipping past your skin, looking out over the horizon. And the edge looks so close. Like you could just reach out your hand and slice your finger on it. Or jump into the water and let the current take you to the end of the world.

Or when you’re hating a place, like Caye Caulker. Because you just don’t get it. It’s small. And kind of boring. And there is no beach, just a “split” where everyone hangs out by day. And no real nightlife. And you wonder why everyone raves about it because, quite frankly, you long for the beauty of Boracay or the beach bars of Thailand.

But then you run into some boys you’d met in Flores. Because you inevitably will run into people on “the trail.” And you start having fun. And kind of start to get it. And then you run into a girl who you met back in August in The Philippines. And you start to warm up to the place. Because it really is a nice place to be…

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize

Caye Caulker, Belize



Tikal

I spent an afternoon in Guatemala exploring the Mayan ruins of Tikal. There were several options for getting there but I chose an afternoon sunset tour. The sunrise tour sounded interesting, seeing the ruins in a mist, hearing the jungle wake up. But personally I couldn’t be bothered to wake up early for it. So a sunset seemed good enough for me.

You may recognize the landscape of Tikal from a little-known independent film called Star Wars. I wouldn’t though because I’ve only seen the movie once.

(True story: the only time I saw the first three Star Wars movies all the way through was when they re-released them in theaters when I was in high school. I managed to see Episode 1 four times in theaters though because my boyfriend at the time was obsessed with it. We saw it on our first date. I fell asleep. He still dated me after that. I have yet to ever see Episode 3.)

Our tour guide led us around the ruins, bipassing signs that said “Do Not Enter” and “do not climb” to watch the sunset. Two lovely Australian guys helped me to the final climb. And none of them tried to grope me while doing so.

There is good in the world, people. There is good in this world.